hi hi hi! bout a month with no post hehe, guess there wasnt much to talk about? like i sed earlier, im trying very hard to not turn this into a personal diary of daily events, cos i mean dats so boring, everybody has their own lives to live, sif read bout mine hehe, so yea im only going to post wen i have something to write about.

okay so a few days ago, wednesday 6th, it was me and kim's 100 days together, i could hardly believe its been 100 days...it feels as though it came out of nowhere hehe! so what happened, a week or so before that, kim told me on msn 'keep 6th of june free, cause i have something to give you, its my turn to suprise you this time', i kinda of figured out it was for our 100th day, but i just played dumb hehe, when we met up on tuesday, she asked if i figured out what the suprise was for yet, and i sed 'no idea, ive been thinking about it all week' hehe, so anyway wednesday came, and she gave me her gifts, we walked to the domain in the city (a really nice and quite park, especially at 7 in the evening hehe), i opned up her gifts one by one, first there was a really cute black cuddly toy, with a love heart in its hand saying LOVE, hehe its soo cute! 2nd was a matchin pair of fone dangling things, she got me another one cause i lost the whistle that she gave me, on our 3rd day together (i still remember so clearly, she came to uni with me, wen i went to preenrol in my course, because she wanted to see me agen so bad hehe!),  and then i opened up her letter, it was 3 pages, the funny thing was most of page one was talking about 'you probably still havent figured out why im doing all this etc etc' hehe, anyway the big finalli was a cute box, containing lil puppy figurines and 100 origami hearts she made, it was so beautiful and cute.

anyway i den told her how much i loved it all, and how much i loved her, and that it was such a suprise! hehe then i had this smile on my face and took my gift from my bag hehe, it was a card and a letter, the card was a few snippets of lyrics, and a short message, and the letter was a 3 page list of 100 reasons why i love her! hehe, she was totally like OMG! haha i tricked her. anyway all in all, it was a really good nite!

okay forward a few days and we come to today! we spent most of the day at my uni watchin movies on the computers, it was fun hehe, and it was a realli gud day. but yea, when we talked on msn tonight, it was a little weird...from out of nowhere (it seems anyway, i prob missed sumthin) she started giving me these replies....like ummmm nothing...ok den....hmmm....i dunno etc, and she had this on her personal message 'i like it when it rains, cos noone can see me crying'...i mean wha? i know it probably means nothing, but its just kinda sudden....i asked her about it, and shes like huh? ummm i dunno....but yea, its sometimes frustratin, shes knows how much i care about her, i mean most guys will probably read that, and then shrug it off and think nothin of it, but she knows im different, i always listen to what she says, and i care about her, so she should know that having a nick like that would probably goin to confuse me, make me think why? what have i done? is there something she isnt tellin me?

why do girls always have to do that, she is the type of person who likes to double guess, and trying to gather and read meaning from everythin, and get hurt from it, so she should kno very well how it feels. a few days earlier, her personal message was lyrics from good charlotte 'everybody put your hand up and say i dun wanna be in love, i dun wanna be in love', well dats a lil weird too right? ofcourse when i asked, she says 'i dunno', 'the words has no meanin, its a catchy song', but isnt it weird? im sure there are many more catchy songs around...and why especially have these lyrics in your name? all confusin stuff, i know it probably doesnt have meaning, and im the one whos readin into things this time, but these things can get confusin, and can turn bad, and can realli hurt.

i explained all this to her and she replied 'yea dats tru =.=', i really dont kno if she really understood or not, shortly after she goes offline without a goodbye, its just frustrating....i love this girl to bits, and i would never hurt her, all i wanted to do is treat her right and protect her and care for her, but sumhow i feel that shes scared in someway that i might be too good to be true, that i'll turn out just like the guys in the past dat have betrayed her, maybe somehow she wants to feel these feelings of insecurities? maybe in  a weird way its comfortin to her....its frustratin...

anyway i'll end this post now before it becomes a novel, laters! and take cares

okai so whats been happening with the chensta? last friday was me and kim's 2 month together hehe, time flies! we ended up going to the chinese gardens in darling harbour, where i gave her my special gift hehe, a lil pink glass jewlery box, with 31 origmai hearts inside, 30 pink ones and 1 green one, each heart has a message hehe, she gets to read one a day, and read the green heart in 31 days! (our 3 month hehe!)...hehe im so clever, now shes stuck with me for another 31 days so she can read the messages! anyway we went to karaoke after that with her tafe friends....like 6 of them, and they were all crayzie girls (*ponders* how kim ended up wid these friends hehe), kim and her friend was tryin to sing, while the other crayzie friends were dancing and screaming...and den dancing and screamin on the table...crayzie...anyway then after k, me/kim and her friends parted ways, and we went to wembley's to play pool (we played pool there on our first night together heh!), before that we went to KFC next door and i bought us a big bucket of popcorn chiken, to smuggle into the pool place hehe...KFC traffikers! anyway first game i won, 2nd game she won, and 3rd game was so close...but she sank the black ball haha! anyway enuff of recappin my daili events, dats so boring....to me anyway, cos i alrdy experienced it first hand, besides this is blog is bout wots in mah head! so what is in my head...okai okai i was upset with kim last week....yea dats right i was upset wid my princess.....dum dum dum! (u kno these scary horror movie sound?)....

okai wot happened is....well kim doesnt get along with her mum very well, alot of arguments, and she doesnt seem to like her very much and yea! a couple times she is with me, she got home late, and her curfew is 11, like we always end up near home on time...den sumhow we just cant let go of eachother hehe, and spend anutha 2 hours together! but she always sed it was okai, but wen i finalli found out how much trouble she gets in from her sister, i understood and i did my best to make sure she gets home, because her parents are important and i realli dont want anythin bad to happen between them, besides im gonna hav to meet them eventualli, and wouldnt want their first impression to b 'oh! so your the boy who always make kim come home late', anyway the last time she was late, kim's sister told me that her mum gav her a very serious talk, and was realli upset with her, and gave the impression that its nearing her last chance or else she can move out...which is not guud and i wudnt want that to happen, okai now the background is done, lets look at wot happened

last tuesdai, she had krn class in the evenin from 6-8, she msg's at 9 sayin 'im not going home now and will be going to karaoke wid friends at 9:30, i'll b home late', i didnt get that message until 12, cos i left my fone in the car, but wen i got it...well i felt really worried and kind of upset with her, i guess i just find it a lil irresponsible of her, cos she obviousli knows shes going to come home late, she even sed so herself, and i guess she probably also know shes going to get in trouble, but she did it anyway :( i wasnt actualli worried about her gettin home safely, cos i knew the guys she was with, and her friend wud take her home safely, but yea i was worried about wot wud happen between her and mum. as i mentioned before, wouldnt want her parents havin a bad impression of me, plus we were alrdy gonna go karaoke on friday, and i guess i was just upset that she wud go on tuesday and maybe jeopodize it, wot if her parents realli got upset and wudnt let her out anymore....so msgd her bak immediateli, i also wanted to call, but in my heart i was hoping dat she finished karaoke at 10:30 like done 1 hour) and is alrdy home, and maybe asleep, i realli hoped for that....i waited until 2 in the morning, seeing if she wud msg me bak

anyway the next day i spoke wid her about it, tellin her how i was worried and how i felt, and asked her wen she ended up coming home and she told me she came home at 1 in the mornin, and she sed nuthin happened wid her and her mum, but later that evenin her sister tells me sumthin did happen, and her mum gav her another very serious lecture over, and she is realli pushin it, from wot her sister told me, she actualli cried, so mebbe she realli got the msg this time, anyway last few days, ive noticed a postive change in her, she doin stuff around the house, and is also studyin harder, so dats gud i guess! tbh i can relate to how she is feelin towards her parents, because i am going through kind of the same thing with mine, but yea, no matter how much i argu with my dad, i know that they care about me, and i hope kim can see that with hers. from what her sister tells me about her, she seems to be the rebel of the family, in the these situations, things can onli get worse, like a bad cycle, i want to change that about her, make her love her family and maybe be more responsible?, but i know very well dat its not possible, and also not gud, cos i hav no right to try and change her, but wot i can do is love her, and support her, and give her room, and hopefully let her want to change for the better herself, theres a quote that says 'wen u truly love someone, and they truly love you, they dont try and change you, but make you want to become a better person' and well i hope i can do that for kim

on other news, kim has been realli sik the last 2 days, and well i am hell worried, and feel so helpless at the same time that i cant do anythin, i just want to b there for her and hold her and take care of her like i promised, but yea, she knows how much i love her, and dat i'll b there for her wen she needs me, also i told her that, if shes ever feeling down, she can open more of these hearts i made for her and she can read the messages to make her feel better hehe, and i'll make more to replace them!

anyway this is turning into another very long blog, so i'll end it now, i might continue this post tomorrow, because i hav some other stuff to say hehe

bye bye!

will

“Hearts are easily torn but can also be sewn together by someone who cares. Though the scars won't fade, the stitches will always be there to remind you that someone loves you enough to keep you whole again.” so i dont have much to talk about today, so whenever that happens, im just gonna put down a quote that has alot of meaning to me, and look at it! this kind of reminds me of these english essays hehe, where you start with a quote and then just talk about it! except if this was an english essay, i am going to fail, cos my writin isnt very englishy!

well it is pretty obvious that i relate this quote with kim and me, before we even met for the first time, i knew she has been hurt, been betrayed, and her heart was in a pretty bad shape, this in a way made it hard for me to get close with her, because i know that, to her, i might seem like everyother guy, and even worse, like the guys that have hurt her in the past, because to be honest, i was just a guy, and she didnt know me, i could say all the gud stuff about me, but why wud she believe me? im pretty sure every bad guys says the same things anyway. but everytime she sed something about her past, how shes been hurt, it made me want her even more, to protect her, to look after her, to love her like nobody else can, and treat her the way she deserves to be treated, and yea, i guess she had the courage to believe me, and from then on, everyday that i spend with her, i thank god for lettin me find this girl, but more importantly, i thank her for letting me love her, for letting herself trust sumbody, even after all the times shes been hurt 'It takes a strong heart to love. It takes a stronger heart to continue to love after it has been hurt.'.

"Though the scars won't fade, the stitches will always be there to remind you that someone loves you enough to keep you whole again." as i said with the previous post, no matter how much she loves me, the past will be etched deep inside her heart, and it might never completely be gone, but you know what, the past is what shapes us, its our experiences that make us who we are, but we can decide how our past shapes us, by choosing our attitude towards it, instead of reflectin bak on the past and regrettin the things that hav happened, i hope kim can remember the past, remember the lessons, but forget about the pain, and instead of feelin hurt for what has happened, appreicate wot shes got now, me! i made a really silly analogy to kim a few weeks bak, i told her that, the past is called the past for a reason, things happen, u pass them, and u move on!life is like a big long drive, but it shouldnt be a drive in peak hour city traffic, stopping at every lights and being stuck, (for the less metaphorically minded ppl, it means you shouldnt have to stop at every part of your life, and just stay there!'), i then sed, life should be like a freeway, you never stop, you keep on going forwards and never look back, and when life is going great, u enjoy the ride! and life is slow, you still keep on moving forwards (unless there is an accident or breakdown, which causes the freeway to get really congested hehe).

anyway its like past midnight now and i think im beginning to ramble on about nothing, and before i ramble on even more and waste your precious times, im gonna call it stops hehe!

william

okay its been a few days since my first ever blogpost hehe, i guess this makes this one the 2nd ever blog post! yay go me! okay so topic for the 2nd post...well i can talk about all kinds of things, like my life, my uni, games i play etc etc, but well they are pretty boring, and isnt blogs supposed to be telling stuff thats on your mind? so im gonna talk about my baby girl, kim, because she IS on my mind hehe, almost every second of the day, i cant get her out of my head, i guess that just shows what kind of an impact she has had on me hehe! seriousli, when im alone, i cud almost feel her presence next to me...its really sumthin thats hard to explain

so a bit about her, her name is obviously kim, she is viet, and shes my age, she goes to tafe in the city and studies korean and business, but mostly korean hehe, cos she loves it soo much! anyway she is the most beautiful girl i have ever met, inside and out, she is sweet and caring, and well i guess i just love every bit about her! yea, sum of the thing she does, its really touching, like when i hav to wake up at 4 in the morning to goto the markets, she actually wakes up for me, and msgs me, omg such a sweet girl! i guess the obvious question here is...is she THE ONE? the one girl that is meant for me? well thats a really hard question to answer actually, because right now, i think she could be, she is everything i ever wanted in a girl, sure she has some flaws, everybody does, nobody is perfect, but with her, her inside beauty shines right through them, and i dont even notice the flaws anymore, like they are so easy to ignore, because of the great person she is, so i guess right now, i do think she is the one, the one girl that could make me happy, and make my life feel so right, but the problem is, these judgments are always clouded by emotions such as love, and well im feeling alot of love at the moment for this girl, so i dont know hehe! but you know what, i dont care what happens, because right now, im going to love this girl with all my heart, and she loves me with all of hers, and thats all it matters to me and her, if things work, then we r the luckiest couple in the whole world, if they dont...well no regrets, but i dont think we'll hav to come down to that hehe, i really hope not!

anyway, every relationship has its issues right? well there r issues with me and kim, but its not like the issue ones hehe, for example when i sed i just want to luv this girl with all my heart, right from the start, i was really confused with this girl, like i know shes been hurt before, past guy problems, and i just wasnt sure what to do with her, like i just want to love her with all i have, but at the same time i didnt want to scare her and push her away, so i guess its a bit of a balancing act, but im not doing too badly aye! hehe cos she still loves me, yay!

anyway a few weeks ago, we had a serious convo bout her past, like there was sumthin wrong with her, like she wasnt right, worried bout sumthin...and i could feel it, i cud tell that its really bothering her, and i just couldnt stand it, so i kind of approached her about it, and yea she opened up to me and told me all about the past, and to me, that meant so much to me, i guess most importantly, it meant to me that she could trust me, trust me enough that i would understand, and not get upset with her, or anythin, which is really gud :) but yea, i understand how much she has been hurt before, and how her heart was broken, and i know that, as much as she wants to love me and trust me 100%, there will always be sumthin really deep inside that she is scared of, kind of like a scar that never completely heals, i dunno, maybe deep in her heart, shes afraid that i am gonna turn out to be like the other guys, i know im not like the other guys, but i guess theres nuthin i can do that can make that lil feeling go away, guess i just need to give her space, and let her work it out in her own time. on the other hand, i am also really worried, because i know these are the things that can break a relationship, insecurities, fears, cos if she starts second guessing stuff,  she might try and make sense out of things that arnt there :O but like i said, wen these things do happen, i just hope she has the courage, and has enuff trust in me to talk about it, because i know we can work thru it, if we communicate with eachother and tell eachother everything.

cos i know kim is like the type of girl who thinks alot, and tries to analyse everythin, you know, if i say sumthin, maybe she'll replay wot i sed over and over again, untill she can squeeze every possible meaning out of it, and sumtimes she might get meaning out of it thats simply not there, which wud just hurt her, and hurt us, and yea, just worried dats all! but i trust that she can talk to me about it, if these things r bothering her alot, and i believe our love for eachother is enuff to get us thru hehe! having sed all dat, i trust her completely, even with all her past wid the other guys, and other guys who like her, i dont feel worried or insecure about it, its weird, but i guess mebbe it means i really love this girl? and wen ur love is real, these things doesnt come wid the package! but yup yup, everyday i hope that she can feel the exact same way i do, unconditional love and unconditional trust, be herself, tell eachother everything, and trust eachother completely, dats sumthin that happens in fairytales, yet we are so close, and i believe we can do it.

oh yea, and kim also keeps a blog, and i read it hehe, but shes fine with it! (actually i dunno, maybe because she knows im reading it, she might not be as open about it? maybe i should just tell her to create another blog and not to tell me about it, that way she can really express her feelings without me knowing...but yea, actually i hope she can keep doin this blog, while still keeping completely honest to herself and express her feelings), oh yea, i have an idea now, maybe i can use this blog to 'secretly' answer some of the stuffs in her blog, like a reply hehe! oh well, not much to talk about in her last few posts, cept that shes happy with everything, and shes feeling all happy, which is great!

anyway this is alrdy a huge post, so im gonna end it here, before it turns into an essay! sorry im just not good at keeping these kind of things neat and tidy, and concise hehe, like i said, i type what i think! anyhow me and kim are going really well atm, only 3 more days till our 2 month, but it feels so awkward, like on one hand, it feels like its been 2 years, like we've known eachother and been together for so long, yet it also feels like its only been 2 weeks hehe, because time flies everytime we are together! anyway im really excited about kim, whats instore for us in the future!

bye for nows, comments welcome! hehe

chensta and kim - to infinity and beyond!

gday boys and girls! this is chensta speakin and this is my first ever personal blog, the one i made for design computing didnt count...cause its for the bloody teacher and

its to display our leet artworks we made in class, and it isnt really very personal, more of a designer journal, rather then an actual blog, anyways back to this blog (haha yea

i get sidetracked so easily aye! u will see later hehe, i am gonna be like this for most of the blogs, just typing away what is in my head, and not really thinking about it! but

yea, that makes wot i say more interesting right? cos its right from my head yea!). So why did i create this blog? well i dont know really, i guess i want a place that i can jot down all my person thoughts, and maybe sometimes in the future, i can look back on all this and kinda laugh at myself, how the hell did i ever think like this? hehehe...the future....fun fun fun! Im not gonna really tell anybody i know about this blog, that way its easier for me to type more of the private stuff! so yeah, i guess the people who see will probably be randoms on the net, oh wells still goods! make sure you drop by and say hello okai? randoms are cool! anyway i think that is enough pointless rambling for my first post! bye byes

chensta out!